In no uncertain terms, I have always been at a loss to translate my thoughts to words. It’s like the thoughts appear in a sequence of images and patterns, and I am unable to even formulate a basic sentence structure to express how I am feeling. It’s true that I have always considered myself a hermit, a loner, an emotional fool and a psychopathic oddity. I am an oddity because I can’t help but have the lingering suspicion that I am not actually alive, and that I do not exist.
The best way to explain it, is to try and remember that feeling of incomprehension when you have just awoken from a dream. As you attempt to analyse your dream while it floats away from you. I feel like a lot of my life is spent in that mindset being totally baffled by not only my existence but the people who speak with an authority that indicates they have true conviction in their personal identities.